Area Man Knows All The Shortcut Keys

So, this morning, Valerie hands me our copy of The Onion Ad Nauseam: Fanfare for the Area Man, flopped open to page 199.

“This is you, honey,” she says, pointing.

“Roger is always saying, it’s just this key and this key with this key held down,” coworker Carlin Sampson said. “I think it’s simpler to just go into the menu.”

“But it’s not simpler,” Turlock said. “It’s just one motion. It takes time to grab the mouse and pull down the menu. You can just hit the key without lifting your hands from the keyboard.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to lift my hands off the keyboard?” Sampson asked.